The Fathers

So many have vanished
maddened by mustard gas
shot on Saipan
Others died under a big timber
on a mountain, behind a desk
drowned in rivers, bottles
Some preferred islands and boats
or the curve of a big-haired woman
to the scold of the dinner table
leaving their tiny children
with some other man’s name

Some stayed but never came to the table
hid in a backroom and sulked
dreaming, maybe, of riding the range
of killing their in-laws in a rage
and raging remained tight-lipped

Some came to the table and did rage
pounding, all the words theirs
but they were invisible too
hiding behind the law and the switch
bastions of knowledge and busy-ness

Oh fathers!
Didn’t you didn’t you
didn’t you know
we needed you?
Not just mother’s tender breasts
we wanted your deep resonant chest
that laugh like no other
waltzing through the rooms
your wild eye, your whistle
the warm hard curve of your arm
to guard and guide

The mothers wanted you
The daughters wanted you
More than ever the sons wanted you

We didn’t want the fearful eye
your vanquished soul
so many slammed doors
bedroom, kitchen
finally car, worse coffin

stranding us on acres of regrets
for the fathers we never had